On Adventure

“Adventure is worthwhile in itself.” – Amelia Earhart

I’m a girl who takes her holidays seriously. Even if it’s just a quick getaway, I want it to count. I want it to be memorable and to feed my adventurous soul. An adventure doesn’t have to be big (though I’m certainly not opposed to a sailing holiday in Greece or an African safari). It has to give me a sense of novelty and a sense of getting away. And if it gets me a little outside my comfort zone, all the better.

I remember hearing somewhere that those people who incorporate new and different experiences into their lives create “memory hooks,” and as they get older, they have a much stronger sense of having lived a rich and interesting life. Though the day to day, the routine, and the predictable can be pleasant and comfortable, those everyday experiences eventually run together in our memory. What stands out, what leaves us feeling as though we’ve had a long life, and a life well lived, are the adventures.

And so now, with June upon us, it’s time for me to think about some summer adventure. Last year was delicious: sailing in the Gulf Islands, kayaking in the Broken Group and camping on Hornby Island. It was a summer of sunshine and sunsets and salty, ocean air. I’ve got some very good memory hooks from my experiences last summer.

And what about this summer?  We have a little getaway planned for Saltspring Island, a place I’ve visited many times. But there are new bed and breakfasts to stay in, new restaurants to try, wineries and cheese factories and parks to explore. It will be a perfect little adventure. Later in the summer, there will be camping with the kids and day trips exploring the beaches and trails surrounding Victoria. And in early August, my sister and I are planning some kayaking in Johnstone Strait. Pods of orcas congregate in that area every summer because of the rubbing beaches at Robson Bight. Oftentimes, the whales will swim very close to the kayakers. That ought to shake me out of my comfort zone!

As summer approaches, I want to be mindful about planning adventures big and small, about having experiences that will feed my adventurous soul, and about creating a few more powerful memory hooks to add to my sense that I am living a delicious life.

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What adventures have you got planned for this summer?

On Appreciation

It’s Saturday morning and I’m curled up in bed writing. I’m surrounded by plump pillows and blanketed by crisp white sheets and a heavy duvet. It’s raining this morning, just a fine mist, but the rain makes my bedroom feel that much cozier.

Outside the birds are still singing and the woods are green and lush. I feel a deep sense of calm this morning, a profound appreciation for the abundance in my life.

When I stop for a moment to appreciate the beauty in my life, I find it all around me: in my peaceful home, in my wild, natural back garden, green with fern and cedar; in my rural neighbourhood, home to parks and walking trails, farmland, forest, and beaches. When I stop for a moment, I am awed by the beauty of this place I call home.

When I stop to appreciate, I see how rich my life is in connection and community. My boys and I are surrounded by friends and family who love and support us, by friends and acquaintances who are happy to help out, by a community that is safe welcoming. Many of my closest friends have been part of my life now for close to 25 years; I hold them close. I know that I am a woman well loved.

It’s easy for me to race through life, to forget to pause and breathe in the beauty around me. It’s easy for me to focus on the floors that need washing, the laundry that needs folding, the lawn that needs mowing, the never-ending tyranny of “To Do.”

But when I actually pause, when I stop to appreciate, I see how rich my life is, and how truly fortunate I am.

The Alphabet of the Delicious

So enough about dating. I’ve dated the entire alphabet, from A is for Adam to Z is for Zak. And frankly, I’m exhausted. The thought of documenting another 26 coffee dates is more than I can bear the thought of. Instead I’m going to document the delicious in my life, or rather, I’m going to document ways to create delicious in the everyday.

The trouble might be in choosing. Is A for Appreciation or for Adventure? For Acceptance or for Avocado? They’re all pathways to a delicious life. This may be an alphabet game that takes a while. But it’s a worthwhile endeavour, I think. I’ve written frequently about the delicious in my life; indeed, I really set out with that kind of a focus for my blog. And so back to the basics.

Thanks to Icescreammama for suggesting this new alphabet game!

And before you leave, please help yourself to a cupcake.

Dating the Alphabet: Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned

Having dated my way from “A is for Adam” to “Z is for Zak” over the last year, I’ve learned a thing or two about dating. Dating, especially on the Internet, is not for the faint of heart. It is a blood sport. I’m not kidding.

1. Stay Open: It’s amazing how quickly one becomes jaded when Internet dating. I’ve had to remind myself repeatedly that there are good men out there, and that everyone, whether they end up being a good fit for me or not, deserves to be treated kindly and with respect. Every one of us is taking a risk by putting ourselves out there. We all deserve to be treated with dignity. I can’t control how anybody else behaves. But I can do my small part by staying open, being kind, and seeing the good in the men with the courage to make contact.

2. Pace Yourself: There is no easier path to exhaustion and overload than spending a few months Internet dating (especially if, like me, you also document the experience on your blog!) How many hours can one woman spend in front of her computer in a single day? You’d be shocked.

When I had a profile that was public, I would receive a number of new messages every day, and could end up spending hours returning emails. Even if many of those emails were of the “No, but thank you” variety, there would still be a few men that I’d think, “Maybe,” and thus would find myself not only juggling emails, but also coffee dates. (It is not a good thing when you forget key details about a man – like his name – while you’re having coffee with him).

Though I miss the attention, I’ve learned that it is best to keep my profile hidden and to only contact men who I think would be good possibilities. My Slow Dating Manifesto, wherein I resolved to only date one man at a time, has made a big difference in my life. Not only can I get to know one man without thinking about who out there might be a better catch, I also have time for other things. Like sleeping.

Discerning

3. Be Discerning: I know that my first point was to stay open. For a while I worried that I was being far too picky. After all, I’ve had first dates with close to thirty men in a little more than a year. Surely one of them would be right for me? I worried that I was just being too picky, until a wise friend explained to me the difference between discerning and picky.

To be discerning is to show good judgement, to have insight and understanding. I am being discerning when I choose not to date somebody because I see that he has a negative outlook or is selfish or has no interest in kids. These are qualities that I know won’t work for me long term. I understand this about myself.

To be picky, on the other hand, is to be overly particular about inconsequential details. I’d be picky when ruling out men because they lack a university degree, they don’t meet a certain height requirement, or they have little sense of style. There are lots of smart men without university degrees and lots of sexy men under six feet tall. And for those lacking style, there is the mall.

It’s been good for me to get clear about what really matters. What matters to me is loyalty and warmth and generosity of spirit. What matters to me is intelligence and humour. What matters to me is finding a man who shares my values around family and parenting.

And one of these days, I’ll find him.

Z is for Zak

Hi Zak,

Just wanted to check in with you. My sense is that we might have taken things as far together as they’re meant to go. I wonder what you’re thinking?

Hope you’re out enjoying the sunshine today!

Sally

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Hi Sally,

I enjoyed meeting you and getting to know you a bit better. I think you know what you want and if your senses are telling you that things have gone as far as they’re meant to go, then they probably have.

Good luck out there, Sally.

Take care,

Zak

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Zak,

You are a true gentleman. I have really enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you. I’ve never dated a man in uniform before. It’s been fun to talk about my gun-toting accountant! I’m going to miss your light heart and your great sense of humour. And your ribs. I am really going to miss those delicious ribs.

I hope that just around the next corner is a girl who is “perfect for you.” May she love golf. May she love rock and roll. May she love feeding the ducks.

And may she appreciate, as much as I did, a man with enough self confidence to cook a woman Shake n’ Bake chicken!

Warmest wishes to you, Zak.

Sally

Time to Breathe

It’s been one of those crazy, hardly time to catch my breath kind of days, the kind of day where I needed two or three extra hours just to make my day work.

We were out the door before 7:30 this morning so that the boys could catch their respective busses, and then I raced to work for 8:00, steeling myself for the various projects that needed my attention. Emails. Phone calls. Various interruptions. And some long, solid blocks of time to work on those things on my priority list.

And then straight to my middle son’s school to watch his rugby game (he scored four tries!), over to a friend’s to pick up my youngest son, and then a quick run to pick up my eldest from work. The fastest dinner preparation on record, while simultaneously teaching my youngest how to do long subtraction. And then back out to get my middle son to soccer practice.

I am a rock star mom.

And then… quiet. An hour and a half without any kids and a long trail through woods and peaceful farmland. No noise except the birds. And, at long last, time to breathe.

Meeting a Man Who Can Dance

http://www.curlygirldesign.com

So I’m putting off posting right now, because really, the post I need to write is Z is for Zak. I’ve dated my way right to the end of the alphabet. And I’m still single. And in typical Sally fashion, I’m avoiding facing that fact. If I don’t write about it, it hasn’t happened. Right? (Indulge me. Just for today).

I’d feel so much better if I had a new plan; it just never occurred to me when I started playing the Alphabet Dating Game that I’d actually make it to Zak. Or Zeus. Or Zeb. According to the wise folks at Plenty of Fish, it takes an average of 7 dates to find someone. Clearly, they haven’t factored my dating patterns into their calculations.

I’ve been thinking about new dating approaches. I’ve considered having theme months. In May, for example, I might only date men under 50 who list motorcycles and dancing as interests. Or I might date only by astrological sign. Apparently Cancer and Scorpio men are perfect for me. Taurus and Capricorn men are nearly perfect. At least it would give me a clear focus.

But maybe it’s dangerous to go down that road. Maybe in playing the Alphabet Dating Game, I created a self-fulfilling prophecy. The minute I wrote A is for Adam, I ensured that I’d still be writing about dating more than a year later. And that I’d be putting off writing a post titled Z is for Zak. It’s been my experience that the Universe provides exactly what I ask for. It’s just that usually I don’t realize until it’s too late that I’ve put in a request.

Now that I think about it, maybe I can use that self-fulfilling concept to my benefit. Maybe I can get the Universe working on my behalf.

Do you think it’s too late for me to become a trophy wife?