On Endings

A week ago I was writing about the man in my life dancing on the hood of his truck for me. Today I’m writing about the relationship ending. In a way the end came suddenly, out of the blue. And in a way, it’s been quietly creeping up on us for a long time. For nearly three years, we enjoyed a special kind of magic.great chemistry, playfulness, respect and love. It felt like we had it all figured out. Except we didn’t. We had one big issue that we just couldn’t figure out, no matter how hard we tried. And here I am now, facing another ending, starting out again on another long journey of healing.

I feel calmer this time. There is strength in knowing I’ve survived this journey before, that we all get through it somehow. There is comfort, too, in knowing that we tried our hardest, that at the end, instead of shouting or slamming doors, we hugged each other and cried, both of us mourning the loss of something beautiful in our lives.

I need to believe that there is meaning in every experience, no matter how painful. And one of the ways that I find meaning is through the lessons I take from an experience. My guy arrived in my life to teach me some important things I needed to learn, including:

1. Loving Intentionally. When two people love one another intentionally, when each makes an effort every day to love the other, the results are profound. Small acts – a quick phone call or text, a small compliment, a kiss – yield big results. The man in my life found ways, big and small, to love me. My favourite: a couple of times a week, he’d pop by work for a quick kiss. I have never felt so loved in my life.

2. Cuddling. One of the things I loved most about the man in my life was how affectionate he was. We’d fall asleep at night curled up together and we’d find each other as we were waking, and curl up together again. During the three years we were together, I was hardly ever sick. I walked around with a constant glow. I swear it was the cuddling. I’ve never felt so healthy.

3. Talking about sex. Early in our relationship, we learned to talk together about sex. Nothing was off limits in our conversations or – as a result – in the bedroom. I had no idea how liberating it could be to learn to talk frankly about sex.

I’m feeling sad tonight. I’m missing the man who used to stop by for kisses or hold me as I was drifting off to sleep. I’m mourning this ending in my life. But it gives me some comfort to remember all that I’ve learned, to remember all that he taught me.

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About Sally

Poet, seeker, author, mom. Celebrating the beauty and mystery that surrounds us and learning to trust in the journey.
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2 Responses to On Endings

  1. Gunta says:

    Sad… but what doesn’t kill you makes you strong (trite, but true).

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