“You know the worst part about breaking up with Griff?” I said to my girlfriend Kira today over coffee. “I’m going to have to go back to internet dating.”
She laughed. A veteran internet dater, she has a wealth of entertaining stories about the men she’s met and the experiences she’s had in the online dating realm. And I’ve been there before too. After my divorce, the internet seemed like the only option for meeting a man. It’s where I met Griff. (And one other wonderful man who I will always credit for giving me my groove back.) But in between I had to kiss an awful lot of internet frogs.
I don’t know if I can do it again,” I moaned.
“When you’re ready, it’ll be okay,” she assured me. “And I’ll send you a list of the men you definitely want to avoid. I think I’ve dated just about all of the eligible men in Victoria.” After a pause, she added, “Actually I’m pretty sure I’ve dated a couple that weren’t eligible too.” One of Kira’s other friends once accused her of being a serial internet dater. But it’s one of the things I love about her.
“For sure,“ she started, “you want to avoid the Cow Whisperer. He lives out here. And definitely give the Horny Baptist a miss.” By now we were both giggling. “On the bright side,” she said, with a cheeky grin, “you might get a few naked pictures. Look at this.” She pulled out her phone and found a picture of an erect penis, which one thoughtful suitor had sent her way. We were way past giggling now, and into loud guffaws. The people in the coffee shop were looking at us warily.
“Who would ever think that was a good idea?” I asked, laughing. “I wonder why I didn’t get any naked pictures when I was on the internet before? I guess I got all the guys with foot fetishes instead.” (The first time I ever posted a profile, I was too afraid to post a picture of myself, so I put up a picture of my feet in a pair of glossy red sling back heels. I was shocked by the interest those shoes garnered.)
Kira and I spent the afternoon laughing about the perils of internet dating, reminiscing about some of our particularly memorable dating moments, and coming up with the design for our own internet dating site. We decided that, along with checking off whether they are smokers and whether they have an athletic or average build, men should also check off whether they’ve had a vasectomy. They have no idea how attractive this particular feature is to a certain segment of women out there.
In the end, Kira and I agreed that internet dating is a necessary evil. I don’t look forward to the day when I hit the internet again, but twice I’ve found exactly the right man for a particular point in my life. And I have faith that it will happen again.