“Kira, I need your help.” The minute she answered the phone, I started talking.
“I accidentally signed up for e-Harmony last night and I don’t know how anything works. It is way different than Plenty of Fish!”
“Accidentally?” she laughed.
“It’s a long story. But you need to explain this place to me. What am I supposed to do after someone sends me questions? I answered them, but it looks like he’s sent more and I don’t know how to access them.”
“No, no, no,” she said. “After you answer his questions, you’re supposed to send him some questions. And, really, most people do that right away.”
“Oh no! I answered his questions last night. I didn’t send him any back. Maybe I should send him a message and apologize.”
“No! You’d have to request personal communication and you don’t want to do that too soon.”
“This is so complicated! And what am I supposed to do with the ‘icebreakers’? I don’t understand what any of these things mean. One guy sent me one last night, and Kira, you should see him. I mean, he might be a lovely guy, but I have to be honest, I can’t imagine ever dating somebody so unkempt. You should see his hair. I can’t even describe how bad his hair is.”
“Yeah,” Kira sighed.”You know, the thing about a lot of men is that they just don’t get the concept of ‘League,’ as in you and I are so not in the same league.”
“But what am I supposed to with these guys? I don’t want to be mean. I sent ‘Bad Hair Man’ a smile. You know, polite. Not interested, thanks.”
“Oh no. Sally, a smile is like a wink. It says ‘I like the look of you’. Do not send any more smiles!”
“I am so bad at this!
“You’ll figure it out,” Kira laughed.
“And here’s one more question. Are these guys all using their real names? It’s so different than Plenty of Fish that way. It was always a laugh getting messages from ‘The Chick Whisperer’ and ‘Sexy Cougar Hunter.’ It’s not as much fun to get a message from Bob.”
“Most people use their own names.”
“Did you, when you started?”
“Uh….Sally, I don’t really know how to tell you this. When I first signed up, I used your name.”