I have this really great concept for my blog: I’m going to document my internet dates, each with a “Thanks, But No Thanks” note. I started last week with “A is for Adam,” and I figure that I’ll get to at least “R is for Ross” or “S is for Stefan” before I find a keeper. I’m really excited about this idea. It makes the whole experience of internet dating seem just a little more compelling.
Before I started dating again, I made a list of the qualities I wanted in a man. I wrote down exactly what I was looking for. I made a commitment to myself not to settle for less. The list is long:
1. There has to be chemistry
If there’s no chemistry, it’s not going past the first date. Let’s not kid ourselves here. I’ve had good chemistry. I’m never going back.
2. He has a kind heart
I’m looking for a kind man, a gentle man, a man who is tolerant and patient. I want warm and affectionate; I want someone with a generous, loving heart.
3. He is respectful
I’m looking for thoughtful and considerate; I want someone who is respectful and well-mannered.
4. He is light-hearted
I need a man in my life who has a light heart, someone who laughs often and easily, who is playful and funny. I need someone who is content in his life and grateful for his good fortune.
5. He is grounded
I want balanced. No more extremes for me! I want steady, stable, and responsible. I want responsible. I do not want any drama.
6. He has an open mind
I can’t do rigid, black and white thinking. It doesn’t work at all for me. I need someone who is open-minded, who is a flexible thinker, someone who is tolerant in his outlook.
7. He is intelligent
Intelligent comes in many guises. I’ve had happy relationships with men with PhD’s and men who did their learning in life and on the job site. He’s just got to be able to keep up.
8. He is adventurous
I want someone who is as interested in exploring as I am.
9. He is ready for a long-term, full commitment in his life.
I know. It’s a long list. But I’m old enough and experienced enough to know what I want. And I’m confident enough to go looking for it. That’s why the “Thanks, But No Thanks” concept seems like such a good idea.
So, Ben, I’d just like to say that you’re messing with my concept. As soon as you stood up to greet me when I walked into Starbucks, I knew I was in trouble. As soon as I took in your tall, athletic frame, your warm smile, your kind eyes, I heard a little “uh-oh” in my head. And as we talked and laughed and shared stories, I realized that this was maybe the most promising first date I’d ever been on.
And as our quick coffee date turned into a three hour lunch, I realized that maybe it was going to take a little longer to get to “S is for Stefan” than I first anticipated.