“…sometimes, I think the right decision is not making one at all.”
I was reading a blog post at Brigitte’s Banter
today and read this line and it was as though a light came on for me. This is the decision I need to make right now! I need to decide not to decide. I need to take the pressure off myself. I don’t need to find somebody right away. I don’t need to figure out right now what it is I’m looking for. I don’t need to blow through another ten dates and politely tell each of them they’re just not right for me when I don’t even know what is right for me. I think I’m looking for a long-term commitment, but every time I meet someone who is long-term material, I find myself running for the hills. I send the long-term prospects packing because none of them seem like quite enough fun. And the bad boys on motorbikes, who could promise me fun, fun, fun? Those I send away because they aren’t good long-term prospects. I might be oversimplifying here, but it’s clear that at the moment, I can find reason to reject every man who crosses my path.
It’s something I’ve been mulling over for a while, particularly after “E is for Edward” recently asked, “Sally, when are you actually going to have some fun?” Good question, Dan. (Dan? I thought we were talking about Edward? It’s a long story. I told Edward, who I’ve gone out with on a friendly basis for a couple of months now, about the alphabet dating concept. I also mentioned that he was way back at the beginning, probably at D is for Dan. He’s been jokingly referring to himself as Dan for some time now. So Dan it is.) Anyway, back to Dan’s question. I think the subtext was, “Hey, Sally, when are you ever going to have sex again?” but whether he was talking about sex, or fun in a broader context, the question is still a good one. I can’t say that I’m having any fun right now with the whole online dating thing. I could use a break. And while I’m having a break, I could have some fun with Dan.
Now let me briefly refresh your memory about Dan. He and I share many common interests; we’ve both hiked the West Coast Trail, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, and traveled a fair bit off the beaten path. His next trip is Everest Base Camp. Mine is New Delhi to Kathmandu. We both love red wine and jazz. We’re both committed to personal growth.
And Dan has a sailboat. (Have I mentioned that I love sailing? Actually, what I love is being on the water with a gin and tonic watching the sun set. But my preference is to be on a sailboat while doing so.)
So why, you might ask, did Dan get the heave ho? Well, he lives more than an hour’s drive from me and he is incredibly involved in his community, volunteering four nights a week with Coast Guard Search and Rescue.
Except, he just had shoulder surgery, so he can’t do Search and Rescue this summer. And during the summers, he moves his boat from a marina in his community, to a marina five minutes from my house, so that he can quickly get out to the Gulf Islands for an evening or the weekend.
You might see where I’m going with this…
And so when am I going to start having fun, Dan? You’re right that I’m not having much fun right now. I’m tired and I’m jaded. I don’t know what I’m really looking for, so it’s pretty hard to find it.
When am I going to start having fun?
Right now, I think.