Deciding Not to Decide


Sailboat (Photo credit: Small Streams)

“…sometimes, I think the right decision is not making one at all.”

I was reading a blog post at Brigitte’s Banter

today and read this line and it was as though a light came on for me. This is the decision I need to make right now! I need to decide not to decide. I need to take the pressure off myself. I don’t need to find somebody right away. I don’t need to figure out right now what it is I’m looking for. I don’t need to blow through another ten dates and politely tell each of them they’re just not right for me when I don’t even know what is right for me. I think I’m looking for a long-term commitment, but every time I meet someone who is long-term material, I find myself running for the hills. I send the long-term prospects packing because none of them seem like quite enough fun. And the bad boys on motorbikes, who could promise me fun, fun, fun? Those I send away because they aren’t good long-term prospects. I might be oversimplifying here, but it’s clear that at the moment, I can find reason to reject every man who crosses my path.

It’s something I’ve been mulling over for a while, particularly after “E is for Edward” recently asked, “Sally, when are you actually going to have some fun?” Good question, Dan. (Dan? I thought we were talking about Edward? It’s a long story. I told Edward, who I’ve gone out with on a friendly basis for a couple of months now, about the alphabet dating concept. I also mentioned that he was way back at the beginning, probably at D is for Dan. He’s been jokingly referring to himself as Dan for some time now. So Dan it is.) Anyway, back to Dan’s question. I think the subtext was, “Hey, Sally, when are you ever going to have sex again?” but whether he was talking about sex, or fun in a broader context, the question is still a good one. I can’t say that I’m having any fun right now with the whole online dating thing. I could use a break. And while I’m having a break, I could have some fun with Dan.

Everest base camp

Everest base camp (Photo credit: Aris Gionis)

Now let me briefly refresh your memory about Dan. He and I share many common interests; we’ve both hiked the West Coast Trail, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, and traveled a fair bit off the beaten path. His next trip is Everest Base Camp. Mine is New Delhi to Kathmandu.  We both love red wine and jazz. We’re both committed to personal growth.

And Dan has a sailboat. (Have I mentioned that I love sailing? Actually, what I love is being on the water with a gin and tonic watching the sun set. But my preference is to be on a sailboat while doing so.)

So why, you might ask, did Dan get the heave ho? Well, he lives more than an hour’s drive from me and he is incredibly involved in his community, volunteering four nights a week with Coast Guard Search and Rescue.

Except, he just had shoulder surgery, so he can’t do Search and Rescue this summer. And during the summers, he moves his boat from a marina in his community, to a marina five minutes from my house, so that he can quickly get out to the Gulf Islands for an evening or the weekend.

You might see where I’m going with this…

And so when am I going to start having fun, Dan? You’re right that I’m not having much fun right now. I’m tired and I’m jaded. I don’t know what I’m really looking for, so it’s pretty hard to find it.

When am I going to start having fun?

Right now, I think.

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About Sally

Poet, seeker, author, mom. Celebrating the beauty and mystery that surrounds us and learning to trust in the journey.
This entry was posted in Living Deliciously, On Adventure, The Alphabet of Dating, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Deciding Not to Decide

  1. Brigitte says:

    Hi Sally, it’s nice to be quoted — thank you! Here’s the beginning to having fun: Be you. Find out what YOU like. Don’t worry so much about the dating, men, etc. I know, I know sounds simple and it’s not so simple trying to figure out who you are without someone. But once you do, all sorts of wonderful things start falling into place. It takes awhile (some longer than others), but that’s it. That’s the one thing and I’m honored you quoted me from my post about decisions. Take care, friend.

    • Sally says:

      All good advice. Thank you. I think I’m now in a place where I’m going to explore for a while what it means to be on my own. I hate being single, but it’s so clear that the way I’m blasting through men, I am not ready to be part of a couple again. You’re right that it’s time to really be me…

  2. babedarla says:

    DO have fun! Have fun without even THINKING about deciding! Just have fun for fun’s sake (and for your’ sake!) And have fun with or without dating!
    I’m not dating at the moment…I use the excuse that I don’t want to meet someone in southern California, and then get stuck here, but, the reality is, I needed ME time, FUN time to heal from The River guy, and I really didn’t want to jump into anything while I was still in so much pain. It was a good move for me, and I’m feeling SOOO much better. I may even decide to date again soon (yes, even in Southern California!)

    • Sally says:

      You are so wise. Nothing is better for healing than time. I think I was hoping to heal in part by meeting someone new. (You’d think that by now I’d know better!) My plan now is to to try and get comfortable with being alone (while having some fun). I’ve done this before – truly fed my soul – and it’s wonderfully healing. And if I can head out on a sailboat, or go to a great concert with someone who understands where I’m at, so much the better. Thanks for reading!

  3. You are an incredible woman with plenty to offer. Here is something I learned long ago….”just be.” I think that’s what Dan is referring to…no plans, rules or schedules. Wake up each day without an ounce of thought to anything other than that moment, make your own rules and stop listening to “what you’re suppose to be doing.” You are suppose to be living your life in a way that makes you happy….period. Something tells me you are going to experience something wonderful when you least expect it. You climb MOUNTAINS….I have no doubt you can meet this challenge.

  4. Pingback: Shifting Perspective | Deliberately Delicious

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