What do women really want? My blogging friends Rose, at An Etiquette Guide for Sluts, and Darla, at Oh I Do Blather On, have concocted a new challenge: to devise the rules for a fantasy community, a community where women call the shots, and where men know their place and do as they’re told. (This is a fantasy, remember?)
Frankly, I think I could have a good bit of fun just with Rose and Darla. If you’ve read their blogs, you know already how smart and funny they are. Men might not be necessary.
But who am I kidding? The three of us would have a wine-soaked week or two, laughing and sharing stories, and then at some point I know I’d start glancing around, wondering where on earth the men had all gone. And I’d miss them. I like men. Actually I like them an awful lot. I want them around. I enjoy their attention. I like the way they smell and their deep voices and that odd, incomprehensible way they see the world.
So there will be men in this community. Lots of them. Rose has suggested a ratio of five men to each woman, with lots of variety, and with lots of foreign accents. Given my difficulties with juggling men, I’ll be happy with one. (Though a foreign accent would be nice).
Darla has pegged the community Goddess Gate, and Rose has come up with a number of titles, including Rose’s Ranch, Harlot’s Heaven and The Royal Institute for the Training and Correction of The Other Lot. (Have I mentioned how funny Rose is?!) My suggestion is “The Gardens of the Goddess.” Like Darla, I am comfortable with the pedestal. I’m good with devotion. I embrace the possibility of worship. (Go ahead, you can call me Aphrodite).
The rules are simple. And they are reciprocal. Much as I like the pedestal, I promise to haul my pretty ass down from that column of marble, and roll up my sleeves too.
So here are the rules, just three of them. The examples, I am happy to report, are all things that one special man or another has thought to do for me.
1. Pay attention. Listen to my stories. Ask questions. Learn as much as you possibly can about me. Find out what makes me feel loved. Find out what I want and need. Find out what turns me on. What makes me laugh. What makes me cry. What leaves me feeling scared or vulnerable. What makes my heart sing. The more you know about me, the better you can love me.
A man who is paying attention will quickly learn how to make me purr. Make time for me. When you can’t see me, text me to let me know you’re thinking about me. Compliment me. Tell me I’m a goddess when I’m lying naked in your bed. Tell me I look beautiful in a particular dress or in a particular light. Tell me I smell intoxicating. Tell me how much you love the softness of my skin, how you can’t get enough of me. It all works.
2. Find ways to express love every day. Forget the fancy bouquet on Valentine’s Day. Find small ways every day to show your love. Touch me appreciatively. Call and text me so I know I’m in your thoughts. Think of small things you can do that you know I’ll appreciate: find a song you think I’d like and slow dance me out of the kitchen. Find and prepare a recipe that uses fresh figs, just because you know how much I love them. Write me a poem or a love letter or a blog post. Dance on the hood of your truck for me, just because you know it will make me laugh. You’ll find your own ways to show me you care. The key thing is to do those things mindfully and consistently.
3. Keep your word. If we’re on for Tuesday night, we’re on for Tuesday night. I’ll be there and I expect the same of you. If we’ve agreed that we have an exclusive relationship, then it’s exclusive. I won’t stray. I expect that you won’t either. And let’s keep talking about where we’re at and what’s happening between us. Nothing builds trust like knowing I can count on you and knowing I can communicate with you.
That’s it. Just three simple rules. Oh. And a dress code. (This is my fantasy!) There will be no Speedo bathing suits. There will be no muscle shirts. There will be no acrylic sweaters and no ratty t-shirts with holes in them. Jeans will be clean and will fit well. Tattoos and jewelry will be tasteful. And every man will have at least one good suit. (I’m a girl with a closet full of pretty dresses and nice shoes. I want to be able to wear them out from time to time).
OK. I think my work is finished here. If you’ll excuse me, it’s time for me to get that alabaster ass of mine back up on my pedestal.