How to Love a Woman

Love hearts. Based on FML's image Image:Love h...

Love hearts. Based on FML’s image Image:Love heart uidaodjsdsew.png (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Men, I’m learning, can’t read minds. I’m learning that if I want something or need something in a relationship, it’s best just to say so. As Will keeps reminding me, men are simple creatures with simple needs. Women, not so much. The fairer sex, it seems, are also a pretty complicated lot. And maybe a bit demanding. So to make things easier, I’ve devised a simple “How to Love a Woman” performance scale.

Men, how do you measure up?

Exceeds Expectations

This man is fully committed, ten-toes-in kind of committed, and not afraid to say so. He is respectful, kind, and loyal He is open to learning as much as he can about his partner, and as much as he can about how to love her best. He shows his love in small ways every day, whether it’s a good morning kiss, an appreciative comment, or a mid-day text to remind his partner that he’s thinking about her; he plans bigger, romantic surprises too. He communicates effectively, listens well, is comfortable sharing his feelings, and isn’t afraid to initiate conversations about “the relationship.” He is physically affectionate, and an enthusiastic, skilled and inventive lover.

He never farts in bed. Even if his partner is wearing earplugs.

Meets Expectations

Interlaced love hearts

Interlaced love hearts (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This man is fully committed, respectful, kind and loyal. He is open to learning about his partner, knows what makes her feel loved, and makes an effort to show his love every day. He communicates effectively, listens well and makes an effort to share his feelings. He is physically affectionate and a good lover. He has a keen sense of audience and knows to save the adolescent jokes and behaviour for “Guys Night.” He makes mistakes, but is okay with apologizing.

He refrains from farting in bed.

Not a Hope in Hell

This man has already declared his love for 2013, and that should be enough. He is not aware that he has feelings. In his life and in the sack, it’s all about him. He bolts when things get complicated.

He farts in bed. And thinks it’s funny.

Well, guys, where do you fall on the scale? What would a reciprocal, “How to Love a Man” performance scale look like? (I know, I know…I deserve it!)

Women, what have I missed?

For a little more about what women want, here’s an old post of mine, with links to more writings on the subject:

Musings from the Garden of the Goddess

And if you’ve recognized that you fall into the “Not a Hope in Hell” category, and you’re perfectly happy there, all is not lost: here’s something just for you.


About Sally

Poet, seeker, author, mom. Celebrating the beauty and mystery that surrounds us and learning to trust in the journey.
This entry was posted in The Alphabet of Dating, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to How to Love a Woman

  1. Gulp…I’m always saying that it needs to be spelt out to me…

    • See I think that’s sweet, Baz. At least you want to know. And you’re the guy who writes such lovely things about your wife on your blog – and you buy her the same perfume every year for her birthday. I’m pretty sure you’ve got it all figured out πŸ™‚

  2. CC MacKenzie says:

    Haha! H is a mix of all three. As for farting in bed – you’re kidding right? πŸ™‚

  3. We all wander through the “Three Levels of Competency” above. That is why we are always in training and must undergo indoctrination camp every so often. Is it ok if the silent ones just sneak out?

  4. amb says:

    “ten toes in kind of committed…” – love that phrase!!!

  5. kingmidget says:

    I could very easily apply the same scale to what men want from women.
    This represents the greatest frustration of my situation. Wanting a wife who does all those things the stereotypes say a woman wants but a man doesn’t. I have an inverse relationship … I want those things, my wife wants to sit on the sofa and watch TV. πŸ˜‰ This is why I learn to dislike stereotypes more and more.
    Here’s the critical measure of success from both sides … communication.

    • I think you’re right that men want the same things, more or less, as women. I can imagine the frustration in your situation and hope that you find ways to reconnect. And, yes, I’m with you: communication is critical.

  6. hmmm i’m afraid to say my man is in between meeting expectations and not a hope in hell. damn.

  7. El Guapo says:

    I try for exceeds, but some days probably only hit meets.
    Since, you’re right that guys are simpler, my reciprocal list would probably include decreasing amounts of clothes as the rating went up.

  8. Chris Edgar says:

    I think the most important (and difficult) aspect of intimate relationship is being able to ask for what I want and listen to the woman’s requests, without making assumptions about what she wants — I think I’m at least improving on that score. πŸ™‚ I know that when someone else is genuinely curious about what I want, that’s a pretty great feeling, so that would be a nice gift to give to someone else.

    • I completely agree that it’s a great feeling to have someone really want to know what we want and need. Sometimes it’s hard for us to even know what those things are – we aren’t accustomed to the asking.

  9. The Hook says:

    Brilliant post.
    Should be Freshly Pressed for February 14th!

  10. What about ‘needs support’ and…aren’t there a whole lot of other grades? Apart from that, I think you’ve got it down pat. And yes, I agree, you should definitely be Freshly Pressed! My theory about that though is that it’s mostly paid up WP members. Or maybe I’m just being cynical.

    • Yes, I suppose there could be all kinds of levels in this rubric. “Needs support,” “Needs a complete overhaul,” “Needs a different girlfriend”… But that sounds so cynical πŸ™‚ I think we should all be Freshly Pressed!

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